Bonsai: "AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...."

Dummer than a bag of hammers.

If you have been in the front line answering questions at a public show you probably think you have heard it all. However I found the following, serious, questions posted among many others on a well known web site recently. Each is copied exactly as it appeared. Comments in brackets and emphasis are mine……….

I am very new to caring for bonsai, and i think my juniper is dead...it is mostly brown and now the new growth is beginning to turn brown as well. I am not sure of the cause...First, can too much indoor light “burn out” a juniper? Also, I saw a couple spiders on my plant recently. The first, about a month ago, was green—it matched the foliage perfectly. The other spider was a small black spider. Are these spiders harmful to bonsai trees, or did they just use it as a place to live? Thanks for your help!

Hey just got a new Bonsai tree. (wow!) I’m somewhat new to this. It is a Juniper Bonsai Tree (Evergreen) and I was wondering something. I know if you leave your Bonsai inside it will die in a year or so, but what if I just bring it inside overnight sometimes in winter or something?? I take it outside early morning, spend around an hour trimming, watering caring for it and nuetering it... And I leave it out there until around 7:00 or later depending on the day all the while watching over it every 2 hours or so.. Am I wasting my time or doing the right thing? Basically I would like to know, will my Bonsai die in a year or am I helping it thrive longer....

Can anyone tell me what those little “sperm” (?!) looking things are in my waterbut? Can i water my trees, or is this thing going to harm them. I have loads of them all swimming around waiting for, what i don't know, i think i could pass the water through a sieve maybe. Thanks..

I have my fifth bonsai now and he is doing extremely fine - for the time being. The other four, they all died, or because of the lack of water or the excess of watering...and I wouldn’t like this one to die. Could someone please tell me how I should proceed and avoid the loss of this bonsai? One more thing: he drinks a lot...is this normal? Can I put him under water once in a week?

I know bonsai’ers like collecting larch and spruce from these bogs, and but how does one slow the encrouchment of the bog (bog monster) on oak, maple and pine forest ? (((What ? )))

I got a small plant from my sister in law that resembles some kind of Bonsai maybe?? It is not your usual Bonsai, it’s not a “pine “ tree type. It is about 8 inches high, and planted in the typical Bonsai tray with rocks and green moss. I call it Harry cause it’s a one trunk tree with lots of “hair” plants leaves. They are very long and thin and kind of curl under making it look like a cousin of the palm tree. Can anyone tell me what kind of plant this is?? I have no idea how to take care of it and she misplaced the directions. (To the nut house?)

Could someone please help me identify this little fellow ? and maybe some advice on how to treat it..??
Im no sure if its dead or alive. It was given to me by a salesman who forgot to water it during the summer holiday. Thanks in advance. (No picture supplied)

This site is funny, disgusting, and a true joy to find! While most collecting trips don’t take place during chigger season, scouting trips sure do. (?!)

I have a very large completely rotted oak tree stump on the farm here which is now just a big pile of brown powder. I read under another message here that such material could be of significant value to the bonsai grower. How best can such material be put to use? Thanks.

I was given a *dead* bonsai and I watered it occasionally and gave it a light feeding thinking FOR SURE it was dead and it was never coming back. I just felt better about doing it.